Sunday, November 2, 2008
I think I found the reason which made me love him so much…
I looked back .. I remembered me telling myself that the next r/s I have and I want it to be a proper and good r/s and I will put in all my best effort to work it out…. It is my own promise to myself that make me love him so much…..
I did… I try and still putting my best effort with yuki..even to the extend of accepting things which I cannot accept…. I realize I wanted my r/s to work out so well that I put in so much of love to nuture it…
With this reasons , I could have 2 options to choose.
1. Get a huge setback after breaking up with yuki because… even if I try oso get hurt in the end…
2. Focus on a new guy and try to nuture it again…. As my OWN r/s and as own achievement.
i failed... i realize the more i love him... the more bad things happen....
I failed this r/s… I am not only not happy I am also disappointed …. Why my bf cannot provide me with the basic things like comfort? Trust? Or even Joy?
All these have only myself to blame…. I am too demanding?? I think I am ….
I put in so much.. I expect so much too…. But he cannot give me that much…..
He cannot promise he will marry me… he cannot promise he wont fuck around … he cannot promise his love for me … his famous “ I love you so what?” has such a big impact on me…
I cannot depend on him anymore… why am I still hanging on??
Because I really want to have a proper and good r/s and HOPE to work things out …
This HOPE is making my life so miserable….. because this hope is base on NOTHING… just hope with no reason no securities…. I hate to have hopes… so I always plan for the worse….
When I plan for the worse .. I really plan for the worse….. and he cannot accept the things I do…
I hope to break free from this circle soon……. If we really break up.. I hope I recover fast…
I looked back .. I remembered me telling myself that the next r/s I have and I want it to be a proper and good r/s and I will put in all my best effort to work it out…. It is my own promise to myself that make me love him so much…..
I did… I try and still putting my best effort with yuki..even to the extend of accepting things which I cannot accept…. I realize I wanted my r/s to work out so well that I put in so much of love to nuture it…
With this reasons , I could have 2 options to choose.
1. Get a huge setback after breaking up with yuki because… even if I try oso get hurt in the end…
2. Focus on a new guy and try to nuture it again…. As my OWN r/s and as own achievement.
i failed... i realize the more i love him... the more bad things happen....
I failed this r/s… I am not only not happy I am also disappointed …. Why my bf cannot provide me with the basic things like comfort? Trust? Or even Joy?
All these have only myself to blame…. I am too demanding?? I think I am ….
I put in so much.. I expect so much too…. But he cannot give me that much…..
He cannot promise he will marry me… he cannot promise he wont fuck around … he cannot promise his love for me … his famous “ I love you so what?” has such a big impact on me…
I cannot depend on him anymore… why am I still hanging on??
Because I really want to have a proper and good r/s and HOPE to work things out …
This HOPE is making my life so miserable….. because this hope is base on NOTHING… just hope with no reason no securities…. I hate to have hopes… so I always plan for the worse….
When I plan for the worse .. I really plan for the worse….. and he cannot accept the things I do…
I hope to break free from this circle soon……. If we really break up.. I hope I recover fast…
12:57 AM
